Missing my Babies: Divorce, Custody, and Visitation Sadness

I’ll just say it. I miss my children. I worry about them. It’s the first time that they’ve ever been away from me for more than two nights at a time. In fact, until EX’s visitation started a few weeks ago, they had never been away from me for more than one night. 

Now they’re away for five nights, in a faraway state. With my EX, who is quite possibly the world’s least responsible father and most reprehensible role model on Earth. A man who lives without conscience and who walked out on his wife and children for 13 months, never once asking for an overnight with his children until he realized his wife was asking for full physical custody. And then he began the most vicious fight my seasoned attorneys have ever seen.

I know he’ll be on his best behavior for this trip, and he’ll fake being a nice guy and good dad. He might even fool my children. But I know the truth about him. And it makes me sick with worry. 

One mom in my town said that she crawled under her kitchen table after her EX took her children for the first time. I did not do that. But it sounded perfectly reasonable, and somehow comforting, as I looked out the window and watched my children walk away from me and our home, with their little sandals and knapsacks and freckles and sun-bleached hair. 

They come home tomorrow, so I guess I’ve nearly survived these six days and five nights. I’ve gotten things done. I caught up on sleep and emails and bills and phone calls. I started packing the house up – years of toys and clutter and photographs and artwork and baby shoes and little chewed-up board books – a life. A good life somehow, despite the divorce. 

I am so ready for my children to come home. We need to continue this life. 

2 thoughts on “Missing my Babies: Divorce, Custody, and Visitation Sadness

  1. im so sorry you have to go through this on top of everything 😦 ive managed to keep my kids with me 24/7… because thats the way its always been. not just for me, but for them… theyve always been with mum. i can imagine how hard it is to have them go so far.. of course it means he invades my space three times a week, (and helps himself to coffee :/) but i can deal with that if theyre not going anywhere with him for more than an hour or so, and only to the park or the shops, never never to his place!
    are they old enough to have phones?

    • It’s been that way for me, too, for nearly three years until the divorce was finalized. No overnights for him. I had him in my house too. I hated it, given the horrible things he did, but of course it was worth it to keep my babies safe.

      I bought my son an iPhone (crazy, I know), but I can use the “find my phone” feature to track him. He can text me. And call me before they go to bed.

      I’ll put it away when he gets home and tell him it’s only for when he’s with his father.

      I wish my situation was back to being the same as yours. Congratulations on keeping your kids so protected. Good Job!!

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