Crazy Crap My Ex Wants

I know I should be above this. I know it. I shouldn’t blog about it. I should smile serenely and understand that these are just things. And that things don’t matter; people do.

But a full three years after EX left this house, and after three years of refusing dozens of requests by me to come and pick up his clothing, books, personal items, photographs, baseball hats, winter coats, suits, old pants he’ll never fit into again, hundreds of ties, boxes of personal papers. . .

He now wants to fight me over a bunch of crazy crap.

In reality, he doesn’t really want any it because he refuses to pick it up, despite dozens of email requests from me. Countless people have warned me that his stuff is a fire hazard stored in the utility closet in my little home. And it looks terrible to potential buyers looking at the house, which was just put on the market last week. These things make him so happy because he knows they upset me.

But here are some highlights of the things he pretends to want:

  • the never-used KitchenAid mixer that was a wedding gift 19 years ago
  • some long-lost Waterford glasses – another wedding gift never taken out of the original boxes
  • five $8 champagne flutes
  • all the wedding china
  • all the wedding stemware
  • artwork purchased by my parents
  • outdoor furniture purchased by my parents
  • the wine he left here three years ago, a few bottles, which he now claims was a dozen bottles – and has escalated in price to more than $3,000!
  • baseball hats – dozens and dozens of them that he claims I threw away
  • the smallest little broken table that I bought at a flea market eleven years ago as part of a set for $20.

But then again, he doesn’t really want any of this. I am a free storage space for him. And as I slip away more and more into blissful No-Contact Land, he gets to continue to engage me and try to fight me.

So I’ve told him he can have most of it, at least if it wasn’t purchased by my parents.

Oh, except the wine. That’s long gone.


6 thoughts on “Crazy Crap My Ex Wants

  1. The dividing of the stuff always makes me laugh because it gets so ridiculous. Really? He wants an old lawn chair – and you are Evil for not delivering it to his bedside? Divorce: more fun than barrel of monkees.

    • Yes, it makes even normal people crazy.

      He can have anything that wasn’t purchased as a gift from my parents. Or the non-existent wine. I think that after you walk out on your family, you don’t have a right to come back after three years and demand some wine you pretend you have left behind!

  2. Thank you, this made me laugh! Why do they decide to ask for the most random things? Things they haven’t looked at, used or thought about for years. Mine wanted me to search the computer for an email sent to him well over a year ago. The sad part of it is I wasted a good 15 mins looking for it til I remembered it was no longer my responsibility!

    • Because they’re crazy.

      I had a home stager come in and look at me like I had two heads because I told her I couldn’t move his crap. She just said, “Wow, you’re nicer than me.’

      I had to tell her the biggest understatement of the year: “Well, my ex is very litigious!” (And bonkers.)

  3. Ooooooh girl! This is too familiar!!! My ex asked for 3 extension cords, half of the plastic storage tubs, the mixer from his parents (what the hell is it with mixers they don’t even use?), folding chairs, a ladder, half of the picture frames…I could go on and on. Cut from the same cloth, I swear! Breathe 🙂

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