Divorcing a NPD, Part 4

When you have divorced a NPD, you might just get an email that includes gems like this:

2. “Daughter” BEDROOM This weekend “daughter” told me that she has been having problems sleeping at “name of my street” because her room gets no heat. I’m sure you are aware of this and taking steps to correct it other than waiting for Spring. I just want you to know that she is upset.

Of course, there is heat in our happy new home. My daughter is not having any trouble sleeping. My daughter has her own room, a bright sunny place. It is filled with books and art and color – and playdates and friends. She is choosing a new rug and curtains this weekend.

I think of the sacrifices made by myself and my family to buy this lovely new house, in this lovely neighborhood. I think of how happy my children are here. I think of how hard I worked to stage and sell our old house and move while being a single mom and working full-time.

While their dad did nothing but send me emails like this.


6 thoughts on “Divorcing a NPD, Part 4

  1. I relate completely. It’s absurd. Early on in our transition, my eldest daughter made a comment about a very similar email that I had received from NPD. She said “mom, you do realize that everything he accuses you of, he is doing. He simply convinces himself that you are doing it instead of himself”. She is so smart and so right.

    You know the truth. Your daughter knows the truth. He can take a flying flip off a bridge…

    • It makes me so mad, thinking about the new house and all the sacrifices that my family made to purchase it. Meanwhile, at his apartment, my son sleeps on a sofa bed. So your daughter is absolutely correct. It’s projecting. I would just ignore the emails entirely, but even though I have tie-breaker legal custody, I still have to appear to listen to all his complaints about the children. It’s exhausting. Hate him. I really do.

      • I understand, I really do. Last spring, we restructured the ‘visitation’ schedule. It was pointless really, as NPD could not comply if there was a gun held to his head. Anyway, he managed to relieve himself from all responsibility as far as the kids go…never has to take them to or oick them up from school, doctors/dentist appointments, church or confirmation class, everything. However, he still feels the need to dictate to me how I ‘should’ be handling these responsibilities. I get very frustrated and then remember what my attorney said to me after the judge signed the agreement. “Legally, you are now these kids only parent. The court system, the judge, NPD’s attorney, myself and you all know this and that is what matters. If NPD chooses the not read the memo, that’s his fault, the moron!”

        I laughed so hard. She turned him into to a nothing, a non factor for me with that statement. It was freedom.

        I still get crap on a weekly basis. Mostly, I roll my eyes and share with my coworkers, or on this forum, causing a great deal of chuckling. If he only knew how entertaining he actually was, he would be pissed…

        It’s hard because it is so unfair for your children. They didn’t ask to be born, to have him as a father, or to have their parents get divorced. The guilt on all that overwhelms me at times as I’m sure it does you. I was fortunate to have a former pastor tell me this…”I have been thru the same situation your kids are enduring with my biological father. I am thankful that it happened as I would not be the man I am today, the husband, or the father. Everyone comes into your life to teach you a lesson. My father has taught me what not to be. Who knows where I would be without that lesson”

        Maybe it will be ok, maybe it won’t. Your children are loved wholly, completely, unconditionally by their mother. That will not go unnoticed. It matters.

      • Thank you. And when you say “maybe it will be okay, maybe it won’t,” that’s just true of everything in life. I can live with that. Thank you.

        Do you have sole legal custody? I don’t. But I have the tiebreaker.

  2. I am uncertain what tie breaker means. Mine is called primary custody. This means the kids legal address is with me, I make the decisions but have to notify NPD of them, things like that. Basically, I have all the responsibility. NPD has visitation and access to things like school records, medical information, that sort of thing. He is under the impression that I need ‘permission’ from him for every choice I make regarding the kids, however, that is not true. In fact, just the opposite. He will never understand that though so I don’t waste my energy trying.

  3. OH MY GOD he is my ex. He’s seething because you’ve moved on. She probably said she got cold last night and he took it to the extreme. Sooooo comical how he refers to the “street address” house and can’t so much as call it “your house”. That’s how he belittled it and you. Jesus is my ex a polygamist because I swear it’s him!

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