The Million Dollar Question

How does one learn to trust after divorcing a NPD who lied to them for decades?

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7 thoughts on “The Million Dollar Question

  1. I remember the first psychologist the kids and I saw in an attempt at ‘family’ counseling with NPD. I was, I’m sure, complaining about something and asking the age old question that spews from my mouth wherever and whenever NPD is concerned of “How hard can it be…” when the psychologist asked me if I had trusted NPD when I was married to him.

    I lowered my head in honesty and, sadly, shame and quietly replied “no”.

    He said “Look at me, (sunshine). If you didn’t trust him during your marriage, why would you think you could trust him during and after your divorce?”

    Acknowledging and accepting that reality was really hard for me. All hope is gone when there is no trust. However, truth wins and the new reality of knowing, believing, counting on the fact that I can’t trust NPD has actually made my life much easier.

    Whatever happened to prompt this post was just another lesson learned…

    much love

  2. Hey Sunshine, thank you. No, I couldn’t trust the NPD during my marriage either. And when I’m fully honest, I realize that he wasn’t trustworthy from the very beginning. He did show me who he really was, and I chose to ignore it and instead to believe the illusion he so successfully used to fool the world.

    Here, I’m wondering how one trusts new people without resorting to old patterns and destructive ways of thinking/coping. I think that I carry all of this with me, even moving forward. But I can’t stop moving, right?

  3. I wish I had an answer for that. Just today, my oldest daughter made a comment about how I have trouble trusting people.

    I think it may be directly related to boundaries and finding people who not only maintain their own personal boundaries but know how to respect other’s.

    As I continue to do my own personal boundary work, I notice that I no longer have a tolerance for people who don’t maintain boundaries or respect mine. I, then, instantly lose trust for these people even when I have known them for years.

    It’s all really hard, and I wonder if I will ever get there.

  4. As soon as you find out, let me know. I’ve been divorced from my NPD for 8 years and he hasn’t changed. He’s 500 times worse and makes my life and my children’s lives a living nightmare. He’s so miserable that he obsesses over how to take us all down with him. I do not anticipate a life without this constant struggle until I reach heaven. It’s that ridiculous.

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