Exposed: The 2,000 Pages That Changed My Life

via Daily Prompt: Exposed

He left the Yahoo account visible in his browser history even though we often shared his laptop.

I called him up at work, demanded the password, and was shocked when he gave it to me. He must have been more distracted than usual to make a mistake like that. He told me that the account was very very old and that he had closed it years ago.

And indeed it was closed. He must have thought this would protect him. But he didn’t know that Yahoo allows you to reopen old Yahoo accounts.

Yahoo also tells you it can take 24 hours, but this time it took 30 seconds before 2,000 pages of text conversations popped up on the screen. My brain couldn’t really keep up, so it started shutting down. I reminded my son to put on his baseball uniform. I kissed my daughter’s little perfect face and allowed her to watch the Disney Channel “for a while.” I paced. I read. I paced and wondered if I was having a heart attack because my chest hurt so bad and I couldn’t breathe. The air seemed heavy and bright. I had a strange buzzing in my head that shut out all other sounds. I started folding laundry like a mad woman.

Then I got myself together and brought my son across the street to baseball practice and called my husband and told him I had read his secret account.

“All of it?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. “Come home and get your things and leave this house.”

He knew what was in that account. He knew his secret life was exposed. And he knew that even after 15 years of marriage, there was no coming back from this. He arrived home while my son was still at baseball. He was sweating but didn’t speak. He grabbed an old backpack, and I suppose he shoved some things into it. And then he left.

His exposure set into motion a million things, big and small. Immediately after reading those 2,000 pages, I could no longer remember anything good about my marriage. Now, nearly six years later, I still can’t remember one conversation that took place during our entire relationship. When I look at photos, I see a complete stranger and wonder who he really was. I squint and try hard to remember, but I can’t.

He left the house and never told me where he lived after that. He did, however, fight me for custody of our children, figuring that I didn’t have the guts to fight back against a sociopathic attorney who represented himself in court.

He was wrong.

Several years later, a judge would scream, “you are a LIAR,” at him, adding, “You lie about everything. I don’t believe a word you say!”

The judge knew what was in those 2,000 pages. I know, too.

I spend a lot of time hoping that my children will never know. They are safe and adjusting to life as divorced kids. It’s not perfect, and it isn’t what I wanted for them, but they are doing well. They are good kids with good intentions and big hearts. They are loved.

The exposure was agonizing. But necessary. And it set me free.

 

Vindication or Moving On?

It won’t come as much of a surprise to anyone who has read my blog that my ex-husband appears on the Ashley Madison list. In fact, he’s an active member right now. Interestingly, he seems only to have discovered this website after the divorce.

I suppose he’s cheating on the Other Woman who contributed in her very teeny, tiny, little minuscule way to the ending of my horrific marriage to my ex-husband – an NPD, sex addict, and probable sociopath.

This is the Other Woman showed up voluntarily in court at my divorce trial to badmouth me – a woman she had never even met. A year later, this still takes my breath away.

She showed up at a divorce trial to badmouth an innocent woman whose husband she “stole” (booby prize that he is), and to repeat lies told to her by her cheating partner that she met on an adult website that makes Ashley Madison look as innocent as Disney.com.

And after she testified, she decided that she wanted her name redacted from the court records. She filed motion after motion, filled with vague references to a terrible and life-altering smoking gun against me, which never appeared of course, delaying my three-year divorce by many more months and costing me the remainder of my retirement funds.

The courts turned her down. She will always appear, by name, in my divorce decree. There is some justice in the world. The decree, written by the judge, states that she perjured herself on the stand. Even though she is an attorney.

In fact, she perjured herself twice during a very short cross-examination by my attorneys. She would have perjured herself many more times, but you are only allowed to ask questions directly related to her previous testimony.

So we never did get to ask about the Big Things. It’s too bad because these are very, very Big Things.

I really want to write more here about her job as an attorney, and how she likes to prosecutes people. I want to write where she works.

But I won’t. I know I’m dealing with a lunatic.

But now her “boyfriend” has appeared on Ashley Madison, looking for other women behind her back.

Is she surprised?

No, I’m sure she’s not.

Does she even care?

I’m guessing she does, but since she cheats on him too, I don’t think she has much of a case against him.

But I do know, from their history of Disclosed Emails, that this will lead to a lot of drinking, screaming, threats, and possibly even some violence.

And so how do I feel?

Not so good. Some people will find out that my lying ex-husband is a AM regular with multiple accounts. They may find his scandalous profiles. My children could find out someday.

I think a lot of other things though. I believe that people are generally good, and that the good people I know are too busy and happy with their own lives to look through AM lists.

I also think that I’m lucky to have moved so far away from this man psychologically. I think that my life is good. It’s getting better and better.

I think that he’s somebody else’s problem now.

And that sort of makes me smile.